March 8, 2008 Update

Good evening friends and prayer warriors.

I am glad to say I am feeling ok after this round of chemo, little nausea today but not too bad. My sis Lori had something come up so she ended not being able to come over this weekend but my dear friend Ana jumped in and dropped me off at chemo and my dear friend Caryn re-arranged her day to come and sit with me on Friday and got me home ok. God has amazingly blessed me with so many devoted friends. For every blessing he pours out I will turn back to praise.

Being by myself Thursday afternoon and Friday morning I actually asked for the good drugs and just slept a lot since there was no one to talk to.

I slept most of the day today but just feel tired, not achy so that's a great thing.

I had my acrylic nails removed for the first time in over a decade. (for germ purposes, also there is always a risk of being nicked when they use the electric file). My sis Toni actually said she just thought I had always had strong nails, no way, weak sad little paper nails. It's the odd little things that we don't think of until we are there. I also chopped my hair off b/c they say it falls out slower if it is short.

This was the week of gifts. Caryn got me some sassy little headbands since I sport one daily to cover my brain surgery scar. She also got me a nail file since I will now be needing one. I also received a wonderful study from my wonderful friend Ms. Margaret called Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card. She is the most Godly woman I have ever been in the presence of so if she says it is awesome, it truly is. Sometimes God brings a person into your life and you just know instantly they are a direct gift from him, I knew Margaret was that instantly. I just want to drain the wisdom and peace from her and absorb it into myself. I haven't delved into the study yet but hope to soon. Last week I came straight home and went to bed most days. I worked about 8-3 and then go to physical therapy for my shoulder from the car accident. It is getting much better quickly. Praise the Lord.

The other gift I received this week was actually a "prize." Most of you know I retain my Mary Kay consultant status to get my products at cost. Evidently when I placed my last order there was a contest in place and you win a bracelet and every month after that you order the appropriate dollar amount you get pieces to add to the bracelet. Each has a saying. Well I had never received my bracelet and my friend Gwen who is my Mary Kay Director realized and sent the bracelet. For my first attachment she placed the word "dream" on it. I sat there for a long time looking at it and realized I am in a place of my life where I had ceased all dreams. The more I stared at this bracelet with it's little pink "Dream" on it the more I realized that is exactly what I need to do, look past all this and seek my "dreams" or goals God has for me. Needless to say, I am wearing my bracelet daily as encouragement that I will get past this and not be afraid to plan and dream again. Thank you Gwen.

I continue to be overwhelmed with the outpouring from so many. So many donated blood that I ended up not needing just yet. Thankfully my counts were better this chemo time than last time. We will see, lots more chemo to go. I have received some wonderful emails from friends who I haven't seen in a decade. God is using this to his Glory, of this I am sure. I so humbled and honored. I cannot begin to explain how overwhelmed I am at the calls I receive from ex co-workers, ex-church members, cousins I haven't seen in decades. I keep thinking I need to mobilize all of you to pray for something so much more important than me. So while I am thinking about it, please stop and say a prayer for our country. Our God is sovereign but we as Christians must do our duty to participate and fight for Godly leadership. Ok, that was my political sidebar. Passiveness is a great tool of Satan.

My King of Glory has truly been my prince of peace this past week. Most of us who have studied the book of Daniel know that we have three outcomes in times of trial. God can either deliver us from going through a trial; he can deliver us through the trial, much like he did with Shadrach, Meshach and Abendago or even Daniel; or he can deliver us to him as a result of the trial. I always thought once you reached the point that you were at peace with any of those options, you were ok. I have learned I don't fear death, I fear living through the fire and it takes much more faith to believe I will come through this without even a hint of a smell of smoke on me as did Shad, Shach, and Bennie when God saved them from the fire. But God is building my faith through the amazing encouragement of so many from all over the country.

I spent a long time talking with my oncologist yesterday. We have to get through the 9 rounds of chemo every other week. (I've done 3/9 so far). May 29-30 should be the last one. After that I may be able to do radiation daily for 4-6 weeks instead of the chemo once a month for a year. We won't know until after that 9th round of chemo what is the best way to go since there are lots of factors involved, so we will see but it gives me hope. Even doing intensive radiation daily for 6 weeks would at least get me through the process. Something about being through in July rather than January sounds so nice.

This week I kept being reminded of a song we used to sing a lot at my church in Beaumont. It always touched my heart but now a different verse makes me cry than used to. I used to always be humbled by the verse

I'm trading my sorrowI'm trading my shameI'm laying it downFor the joy of the Lord


This past week the following verse kept playing through my head with astounding new meaning
I'm trading my sicknessI'm trading my painI'm laying it downFor the joy of the Lord

And because the song is so good I am going to paste it in entirety below. If you don't know the tune you can look it up online and download it. The Musician is the Katinas. I hope this blesses you as the memories of singing this dozens of times with my beloved church family blesses me. Have a great week.



I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down
For the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my painI
'm laying it down For the joy of the Lord

Chorus Yeah, yeah Everybody say yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah)
Lift your voice and say yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah)
Say yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah)

I am pressed but not crushed Persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am pressed beyond the curse For his power will endure
That his joy's gonna be my strength Though the sorrow may Last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down For the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my painI'm laying it down For the joy of the Lord
I am pressed but not crushed
Persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am pressed beyond the curse For his power will endure
His joy's gonna be my strength
Though the sorrow may Last for the night His joy comes with the morning

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it downFor the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it downFor the joy of the Lord
Woo! Woo! Woo!

Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes Lord
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes Lord
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes Lord Amen
(3 Times)Yes, Yes Lord, AmenYes, Yes Lord, AmenYes, Yes Lord, Amen