Feb 25, 2008 Update

A friend suggested I start keeping a blog of my cancer struggle but I am holding out and refuse to be one of "those" people.Plus there is no cash in blogs. I'll just save all the emails and bind them with a snappy title like "Letters from the Lymphomiac" and get the cult of Oprah to buy it as a tear jerker thus making millions. I will warn you all that I am no longer singing all blue skies and rainbows and sunbeams from heaven. This is an honest email. I just can't fake it any longer.

Ok, it has been 2 weeks since an update which could mean no news is good news or it was so bad I didn't want to write. For those who are on the "Joyce mouth of the south phone list" you already know last weekend (2/16) I was in a car accident. I am fine, Mom is totally fine but I couldn't even get in to se doctors until today for that b/c of all the cancer related appointments. I so should have married some old man for his money when I had the chance b/c cancer is a full time social calendar and I haven't even gotten to go to the fun events yet like "How to not look green during chemo - cosmetic tips for cancer patients" (yes this is a real event) and "Finding the best wig for you."

Oh well.

So I have a torn rotator cuff we think, will need an MRI to be sure. Should get my car back tomorrow. No other cars involved, For every blessing he pours out I will turn back to praise. Also, check to ensure your car has anti-lock brakes. I found out that my newer car did not come standard with them the hard way.

I also had to have my chemo port replaced because, well, how to say this with discretion, ok like I ever care, good point. First understand the chemo port......it is placed right in top of one of your boobs with tubing that runs up through the neck and loops back down the breast bone making a big U shape. So lets say "Something" pulls down on the chemo port side when you stand up or take certain foundational clothing garmets off, the tubing on the other side of the U will slide up out of the vein. This was a very traumatic way to realize the best years of my body are indeed long gone. Just in case the nurses in hazmat gear weren't a clue.

Kami came for my chemo. It takes someone who loves me indeed to sit 34 hours by me as I whine, cry and complain. For every blessing he pours out I will turn back to praise. It also evidently someone who can withstand IV machine beeping without rage as well.

That was chemo #2. There are 3 chemo treatments to a cycle so my next chemo on 3/6 (I believe that's the right date) will be the end of cycle #1 which just means they take a bunch of benchmarking tests.

I have 7 more (counting 3/6) treatments every other week which should end I think the end of May, then I go to once a month until my one year anniversary date in mid January. Yep, one full year of this foolishness. I can't believe I have just begun, it seems too hard already. We will see how long I hold out. I am debating running away to a tropical island and just living out my days happily with fruity drinks but fear Lori would show up doing her medical mission work and find me and drag me home. Or Tricia may already have a GPS tracking device on me, I can't be sure.

It looks like the severe intestinal spasms/ pain that put me in ER 2 weeks ago is going to be a standard side effect for a week after each chemo brought on by my "rescue" drug so I am learning to deal with the pain. Yes they call it the rescue drug b/c it is what keeps my bone marrow from dying so I don't have much choice. I had to research all this on my own.

Thank you all for your outpouring of love an prayers and phone calls. I know I sometimes don't return all of the calls but I get the messages. I am just having some really weak days. They say it is my hemaglobin and hematacrit levels. I didn't have to get a transfusion this time I was just above the line but it looks inevitable and looks like by 1 yr out I'll probably have to have a few.

So for any who would like please feel free to donate blood to the National blood bank in my name and donate often. I'd like to think my friends and family were also helping those who don't have such a vast support network even if I don't need it someone does.Many have asked if there is anything they can do and that is one thing anyone who is able can do from their home no matter how far away from me.

As my family doctor noted this morning he thinks I have moved from denial to anger in my stages of grief so I am progressing on so many levels. The one thing I am ready to admit is that I do not think I am quite ready just yet to go through my chemo sessions alone. These wear me down both emotionally and physically so I am now bowing my stubbornness and saying anyone who would like a place on the schedule, let me know.

Thanks again to all for your continued love and support.